Vampires Suck [2010]

The good news: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer’s latest movie is slightly better than all their previous crap (“Disaster Movie”, Epic Movie”, “Date Movie”…). Twilight haters might get a kick at some of the jokes here, and Matt Lander makes a good impression as the dreadful Rob Pattinson. Oh and Jenn Proske totally aced her Kirsten Stewart impersonation (notice her always playing with her hair).

The bad news: it’s still a lame movie. I don’t care wether it’s Twilight or not, but some of the jokes are very amateurish, and it seems as if the whole movie was filmed in one day. Maybe their next project would eat this up (I highly doubt it).

 

Rating: 1.5/4

Animal Kingdom [2010]

Animal Kingdom is one of the best movies of the year. It’s not a big budget Hollywood movie with fancy effects and an all star cast. It’s an Australian movie, and the actors are basically unknown (with the exception of Guy Pearce). First time writer/director David Michod does a fine job, and I can honestly say that  I was very impressed. It’s the story of a 17 year old boy who, after his mother dies of a drug overdose, moves into his grandmother’s house, only to find out that his entire family is involved in criminal activities. A local cop (nicely played by Pearce) thinks he can save him, but it’s no easy task. Before this movie gets lost in the shuffle, I suggest you check it out; it might not be a box office hit, but it’s the most powerful movie I’ve seen all year.

 

Rating: 3/4

Solitary Man [2009]

If you want something completely different from the usual crap we see nowadays, I suggest you watch Solitary Man. Michael Douglas is on top of his game as a man who watches his life go down the drain because of his job and romantic indiscretions. He is divorced, his daughter doesn’t trust him around her son anymore, and he just slept with his girlfriend’s daughter. He might not be a likable guy, but he has his reasons. Powerful character study, well written, and straighforwad (exactly my type of movies). Douglas is surrounded by a fine cast aswell.

Fun fact: Michael Douglas and Danny DeVito appear together for the first time in over 20 years since The War of the Roses (1989).

 

Rating: 3/4

The Road [2009]

 “I told the boy when you dream about bad things happening, it means you’re still fighting and you’re still alive. It’s when you start to dream about good things that you should start to worry”.

I’ve had enough of post-apocalyptic movies. The only one I really enjoyed was “The Last Man On Earth” starring Vincent Price. In “The Road”, a father and his young son survive the apocalyse, but the world is now basically empty, and they must struggle to survive. Does anything interesting ever happen? not really. But it’s still entirely watchable with good performances all around especially Robert Duvall who is almost unrecognizable as a dying old man.

 

Rating: 2.5/4

Iron Man 2 [2010]

I’m a very skeptic person when it comes to sequels. But somehow, I expected “Iron Man 2” to be as good  as the first one. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. I’m not sure what exactly went wrong, but all I can say is that I had mixed feeling about it. The movie picks up right where it ended last time, with Robert Downey Jr. still on top of his game. The villain is russian this time (played by Mickey Rourke), and he’s a very angry man. So angry that he had to interrupt Mr. Stark while he was racing to beat the shit out of him (what an entrance). The thing that really bugged me is that we never really know why he is a bad guy in the first place. And that’s just one of the things that went wrong in this mess of a sequel. We barely get to see some action, and Scarlett Johanson’s character is pointless. “Iron Man 3” will probably eat this up (I hope); only time will tell…

Fun fact: “Sam Rockwell, who was one of the original choices for the role of Tony Stark/Iron Man in Iron Man ((2008), plays Stark’s antagonist Justin Hammer in the film”.

Rating: 2.5/4

Leap Year [2010]

Exactly what you’d expect from a romantic comedy; It’s cheesy as hell, but the 2 stars (Amy Adams and Mathew Goode) make this entirely watchable. The irish scenery adds charm to it aswell (I bet it was an excuse to make this movie in the first place). But still, Amy Adams deserves better ( she was delightful in “Julie and Julia”).

 

Rating: 2/4

The Abyss [1989]

“When it comes to the safety of these people, there’s me and then there’s God, understand?”.

Exciting underwater adventure about a diving team that encounters an alien aquatic species while searching for a lost nuclear submarine. Ed Harris leads a solid cast in this incredibly entertaining movie from writer/director James Cameron. There’s plenty to enjoy here; great sets, first rate action scenes, and an edge of your seat finale (though the ending left me wanting more). Hang on! Note: Extended edition runs 171 mins.

Fun fact: “Cast members had to become certified divers before filming began”.

 Rating: 3.5/4

Remember Me [2010]

 “You once told me, our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch. Is that true for everybody, or is it just poetic bullshit?”  

 If you forget the fact that Rob Pattinson was dreadful in the Twilight movies, then you might find something here. But it’s hard to talk about “Remember Me” without revealing the twist at the end. Some found it to be insulting (I’ll never know why), I thought it was perfect. Bottom line is: I came into this movie with very low expectations, but came out pleasantly surprised. For once the critics were wrong.

 

Rating: 3/4

The Third Man [1949]

 “In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.  In Switzerland they had brotherly love – they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock”.

Terrific movie about a man (cottens) who arrives in Vienna to work with his friend Harry Lime, only to learn that he died in a freak accident.  “The Third Man” is considered by many as the best british film noir ever made; it’s certainly one of the most entertaining, with an incredibly amazing Orson Welles.

Rating: 4/4

The Great Buck Howard [2008]

An almost forgotten movie that deserved more attention at the time of its release.  It’s the story of a man (Colin Hanks) who quits law school and becomes  assistant to an illusionist in decline. His father (played by Tom Hanks) has other plans. Funny, and full of surprises, this well made movie is worth watching for John Malkovich’s terrific performance as the “mentalist”. “I love this town!”.

Fun Fact: “Real-life father and son Tom Hanks and Colin Hanks also play father and son in the movie”.

 

Rating: 3/4

The Corpse Vanishes [1942]

“I find a coffin much more comfortable than a bed”.

Bela Lugosi as a mad scientist who abducts young brides, put them in a zombie-like state, take their blood, and inject it into his aging wife to keep her forever young. Need we say more?

Bela Lugosi trivia: “At the time of his death, Lugosi was in such poor financial straits that Frank Sinatra quietly paid for his funeral”.

Rating: 2.5/4

Paper Heart [2009]

I don’t usually have a problem with documentary-like movies. But “Paper Heart” is pushing it. Is it real? is it all an act? We never really know. And by the time it’s over, we don’t really care anymore. This was supposed to be a sweet, romantic movie, but it just didn’t work for me. And I think it’s a shame because Michael Cera is such a funny actor, and surely he deserves something better than this. “Nuff said.

Rating: 2/4

Back To The Future [1985]

“Wait a minute, Doc, are you trying to tell me that my mother has got the hots for me?”

If you can find a movie as original and fun to watch as “Back to the Future”, im all ears. With Robert Zemeckis behind the cameras, you know you’re in for an unforgettable ride. In 1985, a school boy (played my Michael J. Fox)  travels back in time (1955 to be more specific), and accidentally prevents his own parents from meeting, therefore putting his own existence at stake! Funny, and it keeps coming up with new twists and turns, even when you know there’s nowhere else it can go. One of the best movies of the 80’s. Followed by 2 sequels.

Rating: 3.5/4

North By Northwest [1959]

“I didn’t realize you were an art collector.I thought you just collected corpses”.

Many consider “North By Northwest” as the best Hitchcock movie ever made. It might not be my favorite (mine would be “Rear Window”), but it’s certainly one of his finest. Hitchcock had worked on a similar plot so many times before (the first title that comes to mind is  “The 39 steps”), but the formula has improved over the years, and “North By Northwest” is proof of that. It’s one of his most elegant pictures, with an incredible cast that includes Cary Grant (who’s worked 3 times before with Hitch), Eva Marie Saint, James Mason, and a very young Martin Landau. The Mount Rushmore finale is one of the most famous scenes in cinema history, but the whole movie is a perfect example of why Hitchcock could manipulate his audience using familiar stories. See for yourself.

 

Rating: 4/4

Predators [2010]

If you’re a fan of the “Predator” series, “Alien” and possibly “Aliens vs Predators”, then you will probably watch this one aswell. Others, be sure to know what you’re getting: an action movie that will surely mean nothing to you once it’s over. I must admit, I expected the worst here. I can’t say I was pleased by the result, but It wasn’t a total loss either. The actions scenes are pretty good, but I wish they didn’t waste so much time on useless dialogue. Lets put it this way: “Predators” could have been so much better with less talk, and more fighting. The ending does leave the door open for another sequel, but haven’t we had enough already?

Rating: 2.5/4

Blindness [2008]

A town is suddenly struck by some kind of a virus, and everyone is going blind, except for one woman who seems to be immune to the disease. Though we don’t really know the origin of the virus, the movie takes us on a long journey of survival, hope and chaos. Sadly, it all comes down to nothing. Too bad, especially because the cast is really good.

Fun fact: “To prepare for the film, the actors, extras and crew participated in “blind camps.” They were blindfolded, taken in a car to an unknown location, and left in the middle of the street. However, there were always somebody there to guide them. Despite this, the director claimed that someone would always breakdown”.

Rating: 2/4

Blindness [2008]

A town is suddenly struck by some kind of a virus, and everyone is going blind, except for one woman who seems to be immune to the disease. Though we don’t really know the origin of the virus, the movie takes us on a long journey of survival, hope and chaos. Sadly, it all comes down to nothing. Too bad, especially because the cast is really good.

Fun fact: “To prepare for the film, the actors, extras and crew participated in “blind camps.” They were blindfolded, taken in a car to an unknown location, and left in the middle of the street. However, there were always somebody there to guide them. Despite this, the director claimed that someone would always breakdown”.

Rating: 2/4

Knife In The Water [1962]

Roman Polanski’s first ever  movie as a director. I woulnd’t call it a masterpiece, but it’s a tense movie,  well directed and certainly worth mentioning. Polanski improved over the years, but any fan of his work should definitely check this one out.

Fun fact: ” After the movie became known in US, Polanski was given a proposal to remake the film in English with some known Hollywood actors (rumors talk about Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor), but he turned it down as he didn’t want to “repeat himself”.

 

Rating: 3/4

Charade [1963]

“Marriage license? Did you say marriage license? Oh I love you Adam, Alex, Peter, Brian, whatever your name is. I hope we have a lot of boys and we can name them all after you”.

Hitchcock style mystery finds Audrey Hepburn pursued by several men who want a fortune her late husband had stolen. Beautifully crafted thriller set in Paris, colourful characters (especially Cary Grant who’s on top of his game), and an unforgettable score by Johny Mercer. One can truly say that this is the best Hitchcock movie never to be directed by Hitchcock.

Fun fact: “After finishing this film, Cary Grant was quoted as saying, “All I want for Christmas is to make another movie with Audrey Hepburn”. Sadly, it never happened.”

Rating: 3.5/4

The Day The Earth Stood Still [1951]

 “I won’t resort to threats, Mr. Harley. I merely tell you the future of your planet is at stake”.

Science fiction lovers rank this among the best of all time. It’s certainly one of the most intriguing and still impresses people today as it did 60 years ago. An alien named klaatu lands on planet earth to deliver a warning: humans must live peacefully or be destroyed. Simple, yet incredibly entertaining and visually impressive (considering this was made in 1951!). But was the 2008 remake really that necessary?

 

Rating: 3.5/4

Planet of the Apes [1968]

 “Beware the beast Man, for he is theDevil’s pawn. Alone among God’s primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother’s land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death”.

Classic sci-fi movie about an astronaut crew that lands on a distant planet where apes are masters and humans their slaves. Fascinating subject, unforgettable sets and an ending that will leave you speechless. So well done, it inspired 4 sequels, and a sloppy remake in 2001.

 

Rating: 3.5/4

Safety Last [1923]

Hailed as the 3rd genius of the silent era (along with Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton), Harold Lloyd may not be as popular, but he’s certainly the funniest in my opinion. The gags in “Safety Last” are sensational but my favorite will always remain the famous building climb at the end. There’s some real movie magic at work here!

Fun fact: “In 1919 Harold Lloyd was handed what he thought was a prop bomb, which he lit with his cigarette. It turned out to be real and exploded, blowing off Lloyd’s right thumb and index finger, and putting him in the hospital for months. When he recovered, he went back to making movies, wearing a white glove while on screen to hide his damaged right hand. He did his stunts in this film and Feet First (1930), dangling from ledges, clocks and windows, using only eight fingers”.

Rating: 3.5/4

Dances With Wolves [1990]

“They were a people so eager to laugh, so devoted to family, so dedicated to each other. The only word that comes to mind is harmony”.

While watching this movie, I had a feeling of deja vu. I felt like I’ve seen this story before. Then it hit me: “Avatar”. Now I know that “Dances With Wolves” was made long before “Avatar”, but I couldnt help but notice the similarities between the two. Kevin Costner is  John Dunbar, a lieutenant who requests a position on the western frontier during the civil war. He meets an indian tribe and quickly earn their respect. But when the white army decides to attack the tribe, he must now make the decision of a lifetime. Directed by Costner himself, this exceptional movie won 7 oscars including best picture and best director. It’s also beautifully shot on location in South Dakota. One of the best movies of the 90’s.

 

Rating: 3.5/4

Dracula [1931]

“The strength of the vampire is that people will not believe in him”.

This version of Dracula might look a bit dated now due to a lack of musical score, but it’s a movie that inspired generations of filmmakers and that’s why it shouldn’t be dismissed. The story is familiar by now (seeing that it was remade so many times), but it’s Lugosi’s portrayal of count Dracula that stands above the countless Draculas that came after him. The lack of music was a major problem to me at first, but the real music here is in Lugosi’s eyes; he’s simply mesmerizing. Dwight Frye  (who plays the role of Reinfeld) is delightful to watch!

Rating: 3/4

Nosferatu: A Symphony of Terror [1922]

“Is this your wife? What a lovely throat”.

It’s hard not to appreciate this classic horror movie. It might look a bit dated now (it was filmed some 90 years ago), but it’s still a wonderful movie. Max Shreck’s performance as  Count Orlok gave me goosebumps. Maybe it was the look in his eyes; I’ll never know. Film buffs might argue which version of “Nosferatu” is the best. I’ll go with this one. It’s one of the most chilling movies I’ve ever seen.

Fun fact: “Director F.W. Murnau found Max Schreck “strikingly ugly” in real life and decided the vampire makeup would suffice with just pointy ears and false teeth”.

Rating: 3.5/4

Attack of the Giant Leeches [1959]

Low budget flick has Giant leeches terrorizing a small american town. We don’t really know how they got there, but we do know that they have an appetite for blood. As ridiculous as it sounds (though im a huge fan of that poster).

Fun fact: “The giant leeches are played by actors in sack-like suits made of thin black plastic and complete with fake “suckers” sewn on”.

Rating: 1.5/4

The Unbearable Lightness of Being [1988]

“I’ve met another man. He’s the best man I’ve ever met. He’s bright, handsome and he’s crazy about me. And, he’s married”.

 Fantastic movie set in 1968 about a doctor and ladykiller who meets a young country girl and falls in love with her. His former lover Sabina accepts the fact that he’s getting married, but when war strikes in Prague, their lives are forever changed. So well told, that once the story grabs you, it never let go. A unique piece of storytelling.

 

Rating: 3.5/4

Repo Men [2010]

Weak sci-fi movie set in the future, when artificial organs can be purchased on credit. A man (Jude Law) who recently bought a heart is having trouble making the payments, so he must go on the run before his heart is “repossessed”. A good premise, but it goes on way too long and never reaches a satisfying conclusion.

 

Rating: 2/4

More Marx Brothers Quotes: A Day at the Races [1937]

1-Dr. Hackenbush: I’m too busy right now. I’ll tell you what. I’ll put the ‘O’ on now and come back later for the ‘K.’

2-Dr. Hackenbush:  Do you like gardenias?
Flo: I adore them. How did you know?
Dr. Hackenbush: I didn’t, so I got you forget-me-nots. One whiff of this and you’ll forget everything.

3-Gil: Are you a man or a mouse?
Dr. Hackenbush: You put a piece of cheese down there and you’ll find out.

4-Dr. Hackenbush: Emily, I have a confession to make. I really am a horse doctor. But marry me, and I’ll never look at another horse.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly [1966]

“You see, in this world there’s two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig”.

Sergio Leone’s spaghetti trilogy comes to an end with style. Clint Eastwood leads the hunt for a buried treasure in this superior western movie about greed and…well gun battles. But it all comes down to one unforgettable showdown in the middle of nowhere. Eastwood has never been better, but it’s Eli Wallach who steals the show as tuco (aka the ugly). One of the all time greats!

 

Rating: 4/4